Not a day goes by that I don’t think of John in some way.
I almost always say hello as I pass the “meditation room” where his handsome portrait hangs. He usually will come to mind at some point during the day. A song, a file I open and find his handwriting, in a look or word from one of the boys. Something on TV, something I eat or drink, seeing a Peterbilt truck on the road.
He is always with me, and yet today…
I remember something so different, something I don’t think about SO much. The day he died.
The day his journey on this earth ended. That last morning, that last shower, those last looks and that last moment.
Those of you who know me, know that I don’t spend much time looking or thinking back, but on this day, the one that marks the second year of his death, I find myself remembering, smiling, crying…all at once.
Telling my parents.
Telling Cheryl. Calling the hospice nurse. Telling the boys. Telling the neighbor on her way to take Jake to football practice. Calling the pastor.
Calling the cremation society.
The logistics of loss, the emotional, the practical, the logical. I still find myself wrestling with them everyday.
The changing of the seasons, the changing of our souls. How we deal with life on earth so we can be better prepared for life after earth.
So today in the midst of such a sad memory, I will celebrate the good that God has provided. Even in the midst of such sorrow, knowing that while John may have left,he is still very much here.
Just like Jesus, he will remain in my heart always.
