The relationship between parent and child…mother and son..father daughter…when it’s good ..it’s wonderful.. and when it’s bad..oh..it can be awful.
The relationship between love and discipline…tough and tender.. scared and strong…
I have cried more in the past 3 weeks than I have since John died. Pouring out my tears while pouring out my heart…pleading with God to give me grace, direction, discernment and most of all His mercy. It’s especially hard to show mercy, when all you really want to do is slap the stupidity out of someone..
I remind myself that God is a parent..He knows what this experience called parenthood is all about and yet sometimes I catch myself thinking “Did Jesus talk back? Did Jesus do drugs? Did Jesus hate his life? Did Jesus whine?” After all, he was human, but those questions will just have to wait…
And after I ponder those questions for a while, I catch my breath, regain my perspective and put my boots on for another ride on the bucking bronco, named John. I thought his Dad had taken me for the ride of my life… now I am not so sure.
What I am sure of..John has a lot more say than he thinks. I hate being the tough mom…It’s exhausting, frustrating, confusing and hard. Yet I will not turn a blind eye, say “it’s just a phase” and pretend as though nothing is happening. I am holding on to this child with all that I have..and should I be thrown..as I have been..then I thank you all for being there to help me brush off the dust, put a bandaid on my booboos and give me a step up to get back on for the next round..
This Rodeo ain’t over yet!!