Watching people we love suffer is hard. Watching people we love make bad choices is hard. Watching people live with the consequences of their bad choices can be harder still. Being the person who has to make a tough decision because of someone else’s bad choices can be even more difficult.
I thought I deserved a break, a respite from tears, agony and pain. Really God? Haven’t I been through enough already?
What I realize is that my refining process is far from over. I have lost one John, and now I am calling on God, family, friends and community to help me not lose the other one – the young one. He has his whole life BEFORE him. He is like his father – sensitive, bright, talented, handsome and hurting.
Once again, I have no reference point. Once again, I am leaning on and into my Heavenly Father for guidance, direction and wisdom. And as I know, He will not fail me. He will never leave me. He may not give me easy answers and He may not reveal everything that I want to know all at once. Yet I know, He is with me and John and Jake, and He will go through this with us.
